Title: Cook's Treat Chicken
 Categories: Chicken, Original
      Yield: 1 servings
 
      1    Whole frying chicken with
           -giblets
      4    Pieces of oatmeal bread
      4    Or 5 scallions
    1/2 lb Or so button mushrooms
      1 bn Parsley
      2    Eggs, beaten
           Salt
    1/2 lb Or so of soft butter
 
  The second dish, though it's equally cheap and good, takes a bit
  longer to fix.  It's a simple roast chicken with a stuffing of my own
  devising. The neat thing about it is that you put a nicely browned
  roast chicken on the table in front of admiring guests none of whom
  realize you've already had your meal++one better than they're about
  to partake of++though that one ain't bad either.
  
  First off, make the stuffing.  Toast the oatmeal bread about medium
  brown. When it pops up, let it sit in the toaster for a few minutes
  to dry out. Chop the scallions into pieces about 1/4-to 1/2-inch long.
  
  Slice the button mushrooms or cut them into quarters if they're
  small. Chop the parsley roughly.  Cut the dried toast into pices
  about 1/2 inch square. Put all these goodies into a large mixing
  bowl, add the eggs and mix well. Salt the stuffing to taste.  Use
  pepper too if you like it. I sometimes also add Bell's Poultry
  Seasoning.
  
  At this point I reserve some of the stuffing++maybe a quarter or a
  third++and add the chopped giblets to it as I find that a lot of folks
  don't like them in the stuffing, hard as that may be to grasp.  But it
  works out good for me, as you'll see.  After the chicken is washed and
  dried, stuff the critter with the stuffing from the non-gibletted
  bowl.
  
  Back when I developed this dish++when I didn't know how to cook++I
  took the word at it's face value and *stuffed* the stuffing into the
  body cavity. Since then I've heard that it's considered good form to
  stuff it loosely to allow for expansion.  Don't listen to these lies.
  Stuff that sucker full!
  
  Heat the oven to between 350F and 400F.  Rub the chicken with butter
  and salt it.  Put the stuffed chicken, breast side up, on a roasting
  rack in a pan of some sort with sides about an inch or so high++a big
  pyrex cake pan works well.  I use one of those racks with the
  adjustable sides to hold the bird in place though anything will work
  except a vertical roaster.
  
  Now here's where the sly part comes in.  Have a fork or a pair of
  chopsticks handy.  I recommend chopsticks if you can use them. You'll
  see why in a minute.  Take the gibletted dressing and pack it all
  over the surface of the chicken, patting it into place.  Put the neck
  where you can reach it to baste it.  Dot the stuffing generously with
  pats of butter. (This ain't health food...) Put the bird into the
  oven and close the door. Don't look for about fifteen minutes or so.
  Chat. Entertain your guests. Pour them some more wine.
  
  After fifteen minutes you, as the cook, will be ready to begin one of
  the best meals of your life while your guests sit unsuspecting,
  waiting for the bird to be done.  When the time has elapsed, start
  basting with a bulb baster.  Do this regularly and religiously every
  five to ten minutes or so. Salt occasionally.  The stuffing and
  giblets on top of the chicken will start to brown as you baste it
  with the flavor laden combo of butter and chicken juices.  The toast
  bits will get crispy. The scallions will add their luscious juices to
  the basting liquid. The mushrooms will steam and beckon.  Soon you'll
  be picking off the browner bits and savoring them. Each time you open
  the oven, a new selection of bits will be ready for your delectation!
  Try to look harried and pained so your guests won't know how much fun
  you're having.
  
  Give them some more wine to keep them quite.  Have a little yourself.
  
  Maybe serve a salad or something...  If any of them get suspicious,
  tell them you're "adjusting the seasonings".  That should throw them
  off the track enough that none of them will be tempted to "help" you
  with that arduous task.  Heh, heh, heh...
  
  As you gradually clear the stuffing off the surface of the chicken
  the skin will begin to brown too.  Keep basting!  The chopsticks come
  in real handy now for retrieving the bits of mushrooms, giblets and
  whatever that fall down under the rack.  They can get in where it's
  hard to get a fork. The dish is done when all the stuffing coating
  the outside of the bird is in your stomach and the skin has turned a
  nice, crispy, savory golden brown. Take the chicken out, put it on
  the serving platter and de-stuff it. Serve with rolls, salads,
  veggies, mashed taters and gravy (made of course, with instant mashed
  potatoes)++whatever your guests like or whatever strikes your fancy.
  You won't care. You'll already be full! I generally polish off a leg
  and a wing or so just for appearance's sake though. Oh yeah++and I
  always make the "sacrifice" and take the perfectly roasted, crispy
  skinned neck so my guest won't have to suffer through it...
  
  Two cautions.  One about the stuffing.  I love it, but it won't taste
  like traditional stuffings.  It will be redolent of mushrooms,
  parsley and scallions, very moist and++to my taste++quite nice.  I
  really like the taste of oatmeal bread.  Using other bread, you'd
  probably have to spiff up the seasonings a bit.  The other caution
  is++do not use garlic! Heresy, I know, to some folks, but I tried it
  and it disrupted the nice balance of flavors.
  
  For folks who like crispy skin, all the basting produces an excellent
  skin++full of flavor and crispy.  Good stuff++a meal in itself.